To whom it may concern, especially Proto and Fabianski.

We travelled to North London and had kept our own till the 70th minute when a street fighter with razors between his teeth, shorter than all of our defensive lords, rose highest to break the deadlock. We knew the end had come but we had go down with pride by conceding just that South American goal. We were so stunned by the 1st goal and so deafened by the fans in the Emirates that an English young lad opened his Arsenal account.

Street Fighter

In came Theo Walcott, the speed demi-god and a certain Podolski who made an agreement with hell to get frozen if he joins the white half of North London. Away for over 9 months, i felt relaxed seeing Walcott coming in for Chamberlain. The Ox kept me on my toes but Walcott is yet to get to full fitness.

I saw a bit of Theo’s tricky-pace but was stunned by his bullet shot from a tight spot. I braced up for the worst despite keeping Cazorla’s canon wet and unable to get on target. He must have forgotten how to score and he made feel great.

The ball fell to Walcott in the box and i awaited another shot but in a weird and unusual change of events, I saw the ball lobbed transversely over my defence to a number 9 shorted Arsenal player. I heard a bang on the post and felt a continuous vibration in resonance to the bang. Then i realised “that must be Podolski”. The shot was a thunderbolt, competing with the speed of light and difficult for the cameras to capture.

Twice the German tried, twice the post denied him of sn opportunity to be on the scoresheet. I was still rattled by the thunderbolt that Sanchez’s jinked runs for the 3rd goal looked like an upfield movement.


After the game, i pondered and wondered at how Podolski would shot so fiercely despite being si close to the post. I almost called my lawyer and the FA to charge for attempted murder.

Potro, you may feel bad that he got the winner a fortnight ago at your backyard but you must be grateful that your hands didn’t attempt to stop the projectile of a shot. You can give Neuer a call, he will tell you same.

Dodge the shot else...

Fabianski, this will be the first time you will face Arsenal. Pray that Podolski is not used else you may see the doctor soonest especially if you try to be a hero.

Brothers of the goalpost, pray that he is not on the pitch. If he does come on, seek to be substituted or face the fate of picking hot balls from your nets. The post may save you but never attempt to catch his shots.The FA can use his shots as a test for the integrity of the goalposts.

In all, respect his uncultured left foot.