It is no longer news that Thierry Henry has retired from playing football. The greatest Arsenal player ever hung his scoring boots and is billed to join Sky Sports on a 6 year contract as a pundit. He will have to wear polished shoes now to teach Micheal Owen how to talk football.

Every Tom, Dick and Harry have been paying their tribute with rear superlatives making some of us to go around with king size napkins wiping the liquid stuff that strolls down the corner of our eyes. If only he was younger or can be reborn?

Henry has joined Sky Sports with Jamie Redknapp, Jamie Carragher, Gary Neville, Graeme Souness and Co

The Henry-ism took a unique turn as i walked into the headquarters of Goonerdaily and Anayo a.k.a Sturna asked this million dollar question:

Who is the Greatest player to have graced the EPL? Thierry Henry or Dennis Bergkamp?

The question rattled the house and get some thinking. Those that left with packets of joy soaps to their private rooms emerged and pondered on the question.

Yeezi, the bearded intern was quickest to respond:

Sturna, it’s Igwe for me. Tough choice. But I have a deeper feeling for Thierry Henry. He makes me so emotional. Some things I read about him or some pics or videos I see of him, tears just start rolling frm my eyes. So it’s Igwe for me.

Tears rolled out of Yeezi’s eyes on his hard non-smiling face. But Hoegbonna passed him the napkins for his tears.

Hoegbonna, the women affairs minister, fresh from one of his territorial survey had this to say:

How will you ask me to choose between Igwe and berg. Berg is like your first lash. You never forget. Igwe is that babe you had a long relationship with and lived with for many years. It will be hard to choose o. Anyone may choose Henry.

Others had this to say

I take Thiery everyday – Alexk

If it’s greatest for Arsenal, for sentiments, I’ll go with Bergkamp. But EPL, gotta be Henry – Martyn, Director of Gutterdaily

Xavier, the handsome intellectual bloke of “top top quality” grabbed the napkins from Yeezi as he perused through Henry’s quote. But Deon barged in from his Giroud-ic court with a Jenkinson jersey. He had pondered about Sturna’s question and had to pour out his thoughts:

I don dey reason the matter since. Dennis is my type of footballer, threw extra yards in the head and capable of showing it on the pitch. But Thierry, Thierry was a machine. How I come to decide he’s the best is the fact that anywhere Thierry was on the pitch with the ball, if you fouled him, you really have stopped a goalscoring opportunity and deserve a red card. Why? He can have the ball in his box and from there into your net in 6 seconds. So basically, if you foul him in your own half, you deserve two red cards.
Dennis made me play football a certain way and see it as classy. Henry showed the way nobody else could play football by routinely making the impossible look easy. His finishing was simple and must have annoyed the opposition no end because of the consistency with which he did it.

Henry's effortless technique on show as he shoots during the 2004 Champions League quarter-final

Xavier looked up to the ceiling with his hands caressing his beards:

Mehn in my head I’ll probably pick Bergkamp too. Like him I’ll rather give the assist than maybe score. But Henry. Ahh Henry. Phenomenal is an understatement. True Deon. 6secs from his half and he’s in your net.

Xavier and Deon took center stage as they eulogized Henry

Deon: I loved De too. But why I’ll always prefer Thierry is that, while Henry could score the goals De Lima scored, De Lima couldn’t even try, much less get some of the ways Thierry scored. Thierry did the sublime, he scored the free kicks, he even gave pk duties to Pires when he was the one fouled for the pk. Do you understand the effect of this guy?

Xavier: Bergkamps control, his vision, skill. Mehn. If you watch some bergkamp clips you may go into orgasm. Truthfully I’m just glad we got to experience both in our ranks. At the same damn time!!!!!

An angry cock pecked moh on his head… “Igweeeee” he shouted.

Deon: If Thierry had 3 defenders around him and is asking for the ball, you don’t tell him no because he has three defenders on him. You give him the ball and feel sorry for the defenders. People were scared of marking him. Thuram was even afraid to face him for France training because he would render him useless. That’s Thuram. King at either RB or CB. Nah mehn, Henry was in a class of his own.

Thuram initially kicked Henry up and down the pitch but when Henry became Henry, Thuram could only kick the atmosphere only to realize that the ball was at the back of the net.

Xavier: Probably the most complete striker ever. Most complete ever. He could do everything!!!! And what makes him and Dennis  unique Is how they made everyone around them better.

Deon: Yeah, X. Bergkamp influenced my football appreciation at an early age more. The way I felt football should be played, he played it and exceeded it. But with Henry, he introduced something different, where you go: wait, can you do that? How is that possible?

Moh: Thank the Lord. I watched those guys play football together for the club I love… grateful to Henry mehhn he made me an arsenal fan. he is that good!

Xavier: He said he learnt alot from playing with Thuram. I am not so sure Thuram expected him to excel so madly.

Yeezi recovered from him lapse of tears to agree with Deon

Va va voom
And he’s gone. Deon you just did justice with the Henry superlatives. Henry was selfish when he was younger. As he matured he was d most selfless striker ever.

Xavier: Exactly. Watch Henry clips and you’ll see he was a lil selfish. But can you call it selfish again when he delivers?? Plus assists too. I was readin one of his interviews and you’ll see how he appreciates the team more than the individual. He understands that the individual is important but at the end it’s a team game.

Deon: I think that selflessness was something Arsene coached into him sha especially with guys like Dennis around. For a striker to win the golden shoe and have the highest number of assists also in a single season is madness. Absolute madness

Enigma the Mugabe of the house had few words to say:

That arrogance that was just glaring. All balls went to Henry because the confidence was there that he was going to deliver. Damn. Did u guys ever use Henry in Pro Evolution Soccer 6. I was soooooooooo good in using Arsenal (especially Henry) in PRO6 that peeps called me Igwe G-String

Bola, the rising FPL star walked in to add is two pence:

King Henry D greatest of them all
DB another one above his peeps but Henry is a machine.
What a goal against Galaticos

Xavier rounded up with another question:

Can there be a ‘next henry’?? You hear a lot of next Ronaldo’s and next messi’s how often do you hear a next Henry (except from arsenal fans of course)
I think Akpom may come close but I’m basing that just off a couple games in the u21. But I’m not sure anyone nearly comes close to a Henry.

So there it was, the superlatives of Thierry Henry and the Denis Bergkamp effect. Who would you pick first? Thierry or Denis?

I am heading to Anfield and counting the goals Henry scored on that ground. Hopefully Giroud et al will add more tears to the Reds.

Special thanks to the Goonerdaily family.



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